Stream of Thought Thursday Number Quadruped
It’s nice to be able to write on here again. It’s nice to be in the light. My power has been off the past two days. It was a really good metaphor for my life, though, I think. I get so used to these great things that I forget they even exist, then suddenly they’re gone. I stumble in the dark, angry at my blindness, longing for the light, each step another fall, or a small wave of pain. Then, on a whim, I decide it’s time to try again, even if it’s worthless. There’s light, wonderful light, everywhere. And yet, with it comes a cost. I look around, and see the mess I’ve made for myself. Too tired from stumbling through the dark, I say fuck it, and sleep, like every day before. At the end of the day, I have nothing left. I make my way slowly up that ladder, and shudder into bed, only to awake again, sore, and apprehensive. I feel like I’m burning myself away. So when someone, or something, comes along, and makes feel that rush of life, I chase after. There are lots of small things like that for me. It’s been a long week. MAGFest was absolutely amazing, probably the 2nd best weekend of my life. But with it, came more complexity. My head has always hated my heart. A dilemma before me, a choice to make, but really there’s no choice I can make. There’s just these thoughts flying, imaginings of what could be. I need to make them stop, or at least make them wait. What does someone do when you get exactly what you wanted, but only realize after there were so many more possibilities? Jegus, my room is a shithole, I need to clean. What happens when you know what you want to do with your life, work towards it for years, and then realize you can’t do it? What do you do? I’m so glad I have music. It’s easy to let my mind wander, but it’s harder to convince my heart to. The balance between passion and honor can be a trying one, indeed. I say honor, as if it’s a part of today’s society. I only wish it was… What keeps you honorable?